defcon: Okay, so let’s get started...What’s your full name?
Steven: Steven Sheen Sagull
Steven: Yeah, my parents didn’t think that one through -- or maybe they did and wanted me to suffer. Keep telling people it’s “Sa-gull” not that hack action star Seagal. Though I do like Under Siege.
defcon: And how old are you?
Steven: Twenty-six -- hey, is this interview going up online, or something?
defcon: Yes, a blog.
Steven: Oh good, because my friend Jobe won’t listen to me about the dead cat he saddled me with.
defcon: Err, dead cat?
Steven: Well, undead -- but not zombie undead. I guess it’s politically incorrect to call something “zombie” if it still has a soul/conscience, whatever. But it’s definitely living dead.
defcon: How did that happen?
Steven: Crazy story. Jobe was all upset because he thought his girlfriend had died, so he buys a necromancer’s kit -- no, I’m not kidding. He buys one, comes over to my house, winds up bringing a cat back to life instead, and now he won’t take responsibility for it. So now I have to take care of it, and I’m not even a cat person -- or a dead person.
defcon: And the girlfriend?
Steven: Oh, she was never dead... I don’t think so, at least. Anyway, I want to get rid of this cat, it’s just foul. Literally. It stinks constantly, and I can’t bathe it because I don’t even want to touch the damn thing. And no matter how hard I try to get rid of it, it always comes back to my house.
defcon: Have you tried an animal shelter?
Steven: Yeah, they didn’t want it either -- I mean they really didn’t want it. Almost threw me out.
defcon: So I take it the cat --
Steven: Mel. The cat’s name is Mel. But I’ve been thinking of calling it Melinda to piss off Jobe’s girlfriend.
defcon: Oookay, so has Mel made life a bit difficult for you?
Steven: Not difficult, just weird. Like I use to not believe in this supernatural shit, that was something for the movies or books. But ever since I’ve had Mel, I’ve been seeing weird shit here and there, stuff I would’ve never noticed before.
defcon: What do you mean?
Steven: Well, just the other day, I was waiting in line at the grocery store at the check-out, and after five minutes, your attention starts to wander. That’s when I notice this lady up ahead in line has eyes on the back of her head. Real eyes. They stared, and blinked, and everything normal eyes do except they’re not where normal eyes would be. And I check to see if anyone else notices this. They don’t. They’re looking at celeb magazines, or talking on their cell phones, or too busy picking their nose. It’s crazy. You almost want to go up to the lady and flat out ask her about the eyes. Oh, and that’s not the only place I’ve seen eyes that were where they shouldn’t be.
defcon: Where else have you seen eyes on a person?
Steven: Oh God. I don’t even want to think about it, it was just -- it was wrong. I mean, I thought my wiccan ex-girlfriend was the peak of what-the-fuckery, with her trying to call the four corners and making out with snakes. But this was -- oh boy. Just thinking about it gives me the shivers. Word to the wise: don’t ever wait at a bus stop alone at night.
defcon: That’s...interesting. So why do you think you see this weird stuff and no one else can?
Steven: I’m sure they can, they just don’t expect to. Unless something weird has happened to you, you wouldn’t think of it actually occurring, so your brain filters it out. It’s like that picture of the vase, you know the one that’s blank white, surrounded by black. After looking at it for a bit, you realize it’s actually the silhouette of two faces staring at each other, and once you see it, you can’t un-see it. That’s my theory on it. And it makes you think, maybe those people who claim to be sodomized by aliens weren’t making it up, that it really did happen, but we can’t wrap our heads around the fact, so we call them lunatics. Because it’s easier to live in a world where crazies exist than one where the supernatural exist.
defcon: You make, uhh, good point...
Steven: Sorry, I may have had a few beers before coming here.
defcon: All right, well, I think we’re out of time. Thanks for stopping by.
Steven: Yeah, sure. No problem. And if Jobe sees this, take the damn cat back!
Don't forget to check out Aggy's clever character interview here, and next up: Annie Colleen's guest post at Samuel Mae's blog.